Newsflash!

An interdisciplinary group of researchers from the Center for Integrative Science, the Enrico Fermi Institute, and the Committee on Social Thought at the University of Chicago have announced preliminary results indicating that, contrary to popular belief, it is healthy to have fun as an undergraduate. The researchers' work will be published in the forthcoming issue of the journal Nature.

Led by Li Fong Huang, professor of physics in the college and the Enrico Fermi Institute, the announcement cautioned that the research is only prelimary. Says Huang, "A breakthrough of this kind should be taken with a healthy dose of skepticism, although I believe our work to be accurate and authoritative. This literally overturns a century of conventional wisdom about the role of fun in the undergraduate experience and, more generally, in the developmental role of humans."

The findings complete years of careful psychological theorizing, data analysis, and fieldwork conducted by select fraternity members and resident masters of dormitories. The researchers were commonly seen at parties asking detailed questions about alcohol consumption, sexual activity, homework, and personal satisfaction. Due to the scarcity of conventional parties on the university's campus, the most prolific data comes from students in mathematics study-groups, and especially undergraduates in Honors Analysis. The forthcoming paper points out that students in the highest group of alcohol consumption (1 or more drinks per quarter) not only reported being significantly happier than all other groups, but healthier too. The students in the lowest fun bracket often reported ranting about physics while sleeping, physical atrophy, and vitamin D deficiency. Huang says, "Our field work in among mathematics undergraduates was particularly dangerous. Some of our researchers were repeatedly threatened and harassed when surveying mathematics classes and students."

Although Paul Sally, the director of undergraduate mathematics, refused to comment on the allegations of abuse, he has been one of the foremost critics of the findings. "They don't know a damn thing about fun. They can't even prove that fun is well-defined!" he declared to your correspondent. The economics department has also spoken out strongly against the work. A Nobel laureate who spoke on condition of anonymity pointed out, "Given the fact of rational expectations, it is simply inconceivable that there could be any incentive for an individual, particularly at the undergraduate level, to seek fun. As a corollary, it is impossible for such fun to be healthy. No amount of empirical evidence can overturn such a firm theoretical observation."

While the research has been a lightning rod for extensive day-long debates on the quads, others have taken a more neutral view. Ted O'Neill, dean of college admissions, did not criticize the validity of the research, when questioned. Instead, he expressed his sincere hope that the work was incorrect. "The glory of this glorious institution has always resided in its fundamental rejection of the intellectual and physical benefits of fun. Furthermore, such a shift in accepted thought would undoubtedly lead the university to financial ruin. The college could become fun, bloating the applicant pool, and requiring the admissions office to hire an unsustainably large faculty." The Board of Trustees could not be reached for comment on this claim.

Although the research has been hailed by other elite institutions of higher learning as decisive in our understanding of education, various officials at Ivy League schools have expressed surprise that the work has generated such controversy on the Chicago campus. Such officials have commented that their institutions have always considered fun to be an important element of education--if not the most important element.

Meanwhile, large student protests against the findings continue to block Ellis Avenue to traffic between 59th and 56th Avenues. Protesters criticize Huang and his collegues for being disturbingly imprecise in their methodology and for failing to establish clear causal linkages. In spite of the overwhelmingly negative response from the undergraduate population, it is still unclear what the work will mean for the College at the University of Chicago, where fun has come to die since 1892.